Who is “Mamatomo (Mom Friend)” referring to?

In Japan, a fellow mother who you met through your child is called “Mamatomo” (mom friend). How do you get to know each other? How do you interact with each other?

Where and How to Meet “Mamatomo”

There are several occasions to make “mamatomo”. You may meet some mothers at a neighborhood playground or children’s center while having your child play there, as well as at a kindergarten or nursing school when dropping off or picking up your child. As your child gets older and starts going to elementary school, your children may become friends with each other, which helps mothers meet.

Is Making “Mamatomo” expected?

Just because you became a mother doesn’t mean you have to make “mamatomo”. The relationship may be different from one you had in the past, as “mamatomo” friendship is through your children. There is no pressure to make “mamatomo”, but it may be nice to be friends with mothers who you get along with.

What are advantages of having “Mamatomo”?

As introduced in our other articles, Japanese schools have many school events, and there are many school supplies that children are expected to bring. There are also some parent-led activities, including PTA (Parent Teacher Association). You may get confused as there is lots of information to comprehend. Having “mamatomo” at your child’s school may help you confirm the information. They may also help you with parenting as your child goes through different stages.

Are There Any Relationship Troubles Among “Mamatomo”?

On the other hand, as “mamatomo” get to know each other through their children, there are occasional relationship troubles due to having different values on things like your child and family related issues. It is important for you to remember that a “mamatomo” relationship is often different from your other friendships, and different people have different perspectives about family matters and raising children. You may want to keep an appropriate distance at the beginning of your “mamatomo” relationship.

There are some people who become friends through their children and get to know each other through raising children, and eventually build a permanent friendship. It may be very reassuring to have other mothers at your back as you raise your child.